the flood / the cleanse

For the past week / week and a half (can't really remember) I have had a lot of trouble eating. It's pretty strange actually -- well, at least to me. For instance, I feel like I'm starving and I go eat dinner, only I am completely stuffed after just a few bites. To the point of almost needing to puke to get relief. This is really weird. Usually I get comments such as, "Where do you put it all?", etc. and now I can't even eat a sandwich?

So I decided / was sort of inspired by VanNasty's cleanse diet. I'm closely monitoring the things I eat for at least the next two weeks or so. I'm going to manage my portions like I am suppose to. Also, I'm going to exercise because I am not sleeping good at all right now either. That portion of my problem has been going on for the past 2 weeks actually, but after this week and all the crap that came along with it, I'm sleeping even worse. Yesterday I rode a bike for 5 miles, a ski machine for 1 mile, jogged 1 mile (to and from tennis court), and played tennis for about an hour. Thank God I'm not sore right now. I figured I had over done it like normal, and would not want to continue, but luckily, that is not the case.

That's all for now. Going to go bike another 5 miles before breakfast.

1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and

yesterday i actually managed to make it to the gym.

it's been ... i don't even know how long.

did quite a bit of stuff but not too much (thank god) so i'm feeling okay.

in fact, i called a friend and i'm going back today.

and in the future josh is going to go with me.

at least once all of this crazy hospital / wreck stuff calms down for awhile.

tentatively the plan is to do it 3 times a week, like a normal person, with my dad.

i promised that i would help him go.

he needs to lose some weight (50lbs. is his ultimate goal i think) for obvious
health reasons plus diabetes is practically guaranteed to attack him in the near
future.

it's practically 5 (time to go home) but i'm stuck at work for god only knows how long for this job to print.

will probably take an hour maybe 2 even just to print.

fuckin a.

ps.

jordan is having his the fluid on his lungs drained this afternoon.

and they kicked his pain meds back so now he's hurting a bit.

more later.

dear, precious misery

if you feel sick as a dog, clap your hands.

(clap, clap)

if you feel sick as a dog, clap your hands.

(clap, clap)

if you feel like there's an anvil sitting right on top of you,

if you feel sick as a dog, clap your hands.

(clap, clap)

see me, feel me

my little brother went to the eye doctor today. his eyes have really been hurting him lately, and they have been easily aggravated as well. last year was the first time he had ever been. they told him that he definitely needed glasses, and that the type of deteriorization he is experiencing usually occurs in a 14 year old. this year they tell him that his eyes have gotten two times as bad. i don't know what the number is / stands for, but if you score a 200 you are pronouced legally blind. he scored 150. my mom is freaking out and rightfully so. the good news is he will only be "blind" without glasses. no seeing-eye dogs or anything like that. apparantly he gets his poor vision from our great-grandparents. thankfully, i missed those genes. my visions not perfect, but it is nowhere near as bad as his.

next tuesday is my turn to go. i haven't been in four years (here's to not having vision or dental insurance -- cheers!), which means new glasses are in my future. my folks are suppose to pay for the doctor visit and i'm left with the bill for the glasses. i wish it was the other way around.