let earth unbalanced from her orbit fly

getting to my school from conway (town where josh lives now) is an extra 12 miles or so. normally it takes me 20 minutes to get to school. it takes a full hour to get from his place to here. i found this out when i had to skip my 8am class this morning because i didn't leave until 7:15.

traffic sucks.

we were suppose to be discussing the enlightenment period and Pope's Essay On Man. the professor doesn't particularly care for it, but i didn't think it was so bad.

Favorite lines:

Pride is still aiming at the blest abodes,
Men would be Angels, Angels would be Gods.
Aspiring to be Gods, if Angels fell,
Aspiring to be Angels, Men rebel.

And, spite of Pride, in erring Reason's spite,
One truth is clear, WHATEVER IS, IS RIGHT.

conquest! (best jack white voice)

so far, it's a great day. woke up actually feeling worse than yesterday, even after doping myself up on nyquil (yeah hangover from sleep meds!). plus, i cannot go to the josh ritter show now. things didn't work out for me to be able to find someone to pick up my folks from the airport. this sucks. blah blah blah. i feel like all i have done lately is complain. to make it up to you listen to ((sounder)). pretty good folk/experimental group i found.

muhahahahahahahahah ah......?

i can't wait to get out of here already!

the devil was chrome

I like how my boss was talking to a customer in regards of the recent tornado. What makes this even better is the fact that he is a southern baptist preacher. he said, "when i passed by yer house and saw how (the storm) just kind of skipped ya, i was like 'that man must be livin' right.'"

so now you believe in karma? and i guess you don't really believe the bible with that whole section on Job or at least you must have been skipping it all of these years because the way i understood it, your God holds no bars when it comes to suffering, etc. life sucks for good people too. it's just the way it works. anyway, to make a long story short, if you are going to believe something believe it already. don't be wishy washy. don't give me excuses. and quit whining like a fucking bitch too.
it's rather annoying.

creole seasonings on lambchops

V listen to Cassino. Maybe you'll fall in love with them too.

today/currently/approximately right now, i feel sick.
why you may ask?
let me give you 2 reasons:

1. 3 chili dogs at lunch (consumed rapidly no doubt).

[and]

2. god speak from boss' mouth at said lunch.

the question that i've been pondering:

which is worse?

----

it's looking like i might be driving with josh to st. louis on saturday to pick up his new car, a black '93 volvo wagon. Hell yeah. that is unless things work for him to leave tomorrow, in which case i will not be able to go. other than that, my weekend will be completely boring and i love it. i'm going to read/finish clockwork orange and watch radiohead on from the basement. plus i've got a few movies recorded i've been meaning to see. and since my parents are out of town, i have complete rule of the kitchen so maybe i'll make something interesting.

specTACKles

phantom planet is officially a "no go".

last week i worked my normal amount of hours (24) and got paid $88

i found this out at the bank when i was trying to put it in my account.

i showed my boss today and received the correct amount:

$173.48

big fucking difference asshole.

now go ask hkd how much she made this week.

oh and i didn't do so great on my lit test today.

a fucking lit test ...

what is wrong with me?

sheets and hangers, the

i got my eyes checked for the first time in 4 years today.

the doctor didn't expect any changes, but to his surprise there were.

each eye digressed by one perscription.

nothing too bad really.

so now i'm getting new glasses.

i'm going to try to go shopping for them tomorrow.

that is, if my boss lets me off (early at least).

it's my spring break, and it looks like i have to work every day.

ug

worked from 8:00am-12:30pm.

seth = exhausted.

now it's time to write a paper on language.

sometimes life sucks balls.

hello

my laptop sucks. i get home last night planning on posting, flip the cover open and my screen is basically gone. no brightness whatsoever. i try adjusting to accommodate the problem. the controls are doing nothing. i cannot see to adjust through the actual "options" menu. so today after work i'm going to look at it again, see if i can work it out, but if i cannot fix it then i guess it's off to comp usa to let them have a look. and i'm pretty sure my warranty has expired, but i'm not certain.

have you ever heard a death rattle before?

I got in a very strange mood this afternoon when I got home from work. Haven't felt that way in quite awhile. I was hit with a wave of anxiety and depression. My world flipped upside down. All I could think about was drinking. I wanted to drink until I couldn't move. Until I would fall asleep. I wanted to get higher than I've ever felt. Remember when I chunked those pills HKD? It was probably a good thing. I wanted to fix a lot of things. Felt like saying things I shouldn't. Made dozens of phone calls to people I haven't talked to in a long time. Some of them in years. I didn't talk to anyone. I would hang up the phone. If they called back I would ignore it.

============

I've been thinking of moving again. For college this time though. Seriously thinking about Virginia. I have family there and my cousin works at Radford College so I could get a discount to a very good school. Good writing program. Completely unlike the shit hole I am currently attending that has, unless I can figure something out, trapped me for an additional semester due to not scheduling enough classes. And only for 2 more classes -- physical science and world lit. II. I can't find a way to be able to take more than 13hrs.

The only thing I'm worried about is how it will affect me being able to travel.

===========

Someone cares.

dreams/toilet bowl nightmare

item a:
i want to write. i know this. i have known this for a while now. something new though: i suck at writing. i can't decide if i'm worse at poetry or prose. every now and again maybe i'll come up with a couple of good lines, but for the most part ... no. i just wish i could come up with something that i'm good at and that i enjoy.

see also,

item b:
i hate people. they are dumb. they hang out with men who wear girl pants and makeup. they cry because they want your pity. they cry because "it's cool." they cry because ... really i would rather punch them in the face.

let's call it a day, shall we?

weird fish

so currently i'm on the radiohead site trying to buy their new album, IN RAINBOWS. of course, i'm not just getting the songs. i'm getting the bundle pack with lyric and art books, vinyl copies, an enhanced cd, etc. i'm sitting at the checkout. it's being gay. it shows that i have it in my "basket" but will it let me pay and download? no. because it's stupid. i need this. right now. i want to call in sick to work so that i can just sit around and bask in its glory for the rest of the day.

bye.

(this rant would continue but my microwave is screaming/beeping at me to get my chinese food out of it)

Update: it is now mine. the world may rest at ease.

the initial countdown to the rest of your life (is not here). quit wasting your time. quit being pathetic.

9:00am - 4:00pm = classes today. Lab took 2hrs. and we still didn't finish. We were making up last week's because she had a meeting. Stupid fuck. I was tired.

5:00pm - 9:00pm = painting. In a space that was not exactly what I would call "well ventilated." We weren't high at all. Nope, not at all. I felt like I was in high school chemistry huffing paint pens and sniffing the chemicals in the back.

Approx. 9:22:21 = Josh throws a full glass of ice water on me while in his car in response to me commenting on how his grandma is a GILF.

Approx. 9:36:56 = We arrive at Wal-Mart to buy me some new pants. I was terrified of future chafing. Didn't get any, but came dangerously close to getting some nice old guy, elastic banded waist, navy shorts (with 5! pockets). HKD calls. Basically hangs up on me. I would have too. I wasn't exactly "myself." Had Wendy's.

10:30pm - 11:45pm = cleaned the funeral home. at night. boo hiss rah. scary. no there were no dead people in there this time. yes, sometimes there are. no, they don't freak me out. no, i don't want to take you with me sometime. you will freak out. or you will be completely disappointed when you don't because you realize it's really nothing special at all. just a lot of hype.

12:23am = bed.

day one

Started school today. I did NOT want to go this morning. God, I wish I could catch up on sleep.

I started the day off with Biology and first thing couldn't find the room I was suppose to be in. The reason why? My schedule has room numbers like this: SC16. That was it. The problem? It was suppose to say SC165. It was like that for every class. Good thing ASU doesn't have a very big campus or I would've been screwed. My teacher's hair makes her look like she could be a member of Tegan and Sara's band. She already started us off on a shit load of notes. And I found out that instead of dissecting a frog at the end of the semester, we are dissecting a pig fetus. Obviously I'm really looking forward to that.

Class 2: Creative Writing. The only class I'm happy about taking. It's really gonna get me writing lots more. Hopefully the stuff will be good enough to post so you can have something a little more entertaining to read around here (not to mention more often). Bad news though, we are starting off with a 4-5 week section of creative Non-Fiction. That's not exactly my cup of tea. Then it's followed by 5-6 weeks of Fiction, which in turn, is tailed by 6-7 weeks of poetry. He made a random comment too, when someone asked about the length of our first essay (rough draft due this Fri.). He said, "Your essay should be like a mini-skirt - long enough to cover the subject but short enough to keep me interested."

Class 3: Western Civilizations Since 1660. This guy loves maps. Gonna have 3 different ones for every test. He seems to really enjoy his stuff though. I like history but if he doesn't make the class interesting, I'm not going to be able to stay awake - the class is right after lunch, which equals nap time.

And finally, without further ado:

Class 4: Spanish II. Very, very small class of 8 people. 6 girls, 2 guys. Normally this would be a good thing. In this case though, it's not. They are all extremely over weight. Except for one exception, every girl's reason for being in that class was, and I quote, "to be able to actually speak to my boyfriend!" This was, in most cases, followed by a momentary lapse of time filled with what I like to call "Giddy Giggling." Fuck me. Not really. That wasn't really an offer. In all honesty I'd rather go without any action for 20 years than that. I mean, I could survive. The other guy in the class plays bass so we talked music a bit. He's into classic rock and metal. He seems a little slow, but he's really good with numbers. Crazy shit, I tell you, crazy shit.

the people that invented the disney channel should be burned

This is amazing.


I met my folks in a town called Mountain View Saturday evening. I had Hardee's for dinner -- amazing 2/3lb bacon cheese burger, double bacon. Yes, I am ready to die. I have made my peace with God. I am good.


This town is kind of strange, but in a good, small town kind of way. On Saturdays most of the community goes to the "Town Square" and hangs out. They are all big into the "save the music" movement, so that's exactly what they do. Anybody that wants to play or sing goes and finds a spot and starts playing. This usually starts around 6:00pm and ends around midnight. There was one guy that had a story behind every song -- anything from the story of the lyricist to the particular lyrics, to the amazing, often rare and unusual instuments that they used. They have an ice cream parlor that stays open late along with a BBQ and burger joint too.


They also have a drive in movie there. It felt really strange, but mostly really hot. It was around 98 degrees with probably 85% humidity at 10:00 at night. I thought I was going to die. And then instead of watching the new Bourne movie, which I really wanted to see, we watched Ratatioullie (they forgot to change their sign . . . assholes). It wasn't all that bad I guess, but I really wanted see Bourne (no, this is not me crying. It's me doing . . . um . . . something else).


And then randomly at about 12:00am or so, I thought I would like to go for a run. So I did. I felt like Forrest Gump. I noticed after a while that I was running downhill and thought, "Oh shit." So I ran about 1/2 mile to Wal-Mart, bought a Rocco Deluca and the Burden CD, and then ran back.


I am so out of shape.

OOO! And I had a pear today!

Which reminds me, (the exclaimation points, not the pear) that I really hate it when people use them excessively. Even if it's just 2 or maybe 3. Really, why? If you write properly, people will be able to get the picture. Maybe you, if it is you, should seriously consider revamping your writing skills.

i don't eat special k bars because i'm fat

Yesterday was not all that great.

Spent a lot of money on school.

Spent nearly $300 on 3 books, and I still have to get another for my creative writing class (they were sold out). But their machine didn't want to accept my card. So I had to get on the phone with the bank for about 30 minutes and deal with all of their shit. Finally got it done. Got kinda stressed out and put into a bad mood for the rest of the day too. And then all I could think about was, "that $300 could've bought my plane ticket to Canada."

+

Car went to the shop to get the dash lights fixed. Apparently the dimmer switch on 1998 Ford Mustangs likes to go out. It should have taken no more than an hour to fix. I took it a little before 8:00am. It's still there. And it's noon. The next day. What makes it even better is that it's my cousin working on it.

Also have to buy new shocks soon. At least two. I'm not exactly sure though. I'm just tired of all the squeaking when I drive. And the wind noise from the NEW top I had installed because they didn't do it correctly. They left a gap. Ass holes.

+

(I want this car)

+

I guess my mum is officially going crazy. I'm not a big proponent of taking medication, but I really think she needs to be on some anti-depressants. And now she's running Brandon and his new wife off. Christin came over while Brandon was in Wisconsin for military duty, and my mum told her something along the lines of, "I don't know why you and Brandon moved here. All of your family lives there, and you don't even really know us." Leslie witnessed this event and the way she said made it sound terrible. Obviously this really offended Christin. We don't think Mom really meant it that way. She sometimes has serious trouble communicating. But mom's getting really down lately too. About everything: money, relationships, me, etc. Just anything and everything. Finally we've all started talking (Leslie, my dad, and I anyway) and hopefully something good will come of it.

+

Actually some good stuff happened too. For example, I went to Danielle's house and jammed for about 3 hours. I wrote about 10 new songs that we've been working on. Everything is going really good. She even tried her hand at some lyrics. They didn't turn out half bad. Really, they remind me of some of Metric's lyrics, with a little Radiohead influence.

Saw an interview with Beck that was really interesting too.

Oh and I ordered Tegan and Sara's new album The Con for Danielle online so that she could get the DVD with it. Of course, I'm ripping it from her. It's really good stuff.

just call me heroin

School is finished. No more for the year. All tests complete. All bitching for the semester = over. Got my grade on my research paper -- 225/250. Not too shabby. Especially since I didn't even meet criteria for length.

Because Erin sucks and isn't motivated to due her research paper, I, being the great friend that I am, told her that if she got it written before 2am tomorrow I will buy her Spider-Man 3 ticket for May 15. Yes, I know that it comes out this Friday. Yes I know that means that I have to wait an additional 2 weeks to see an awesome movie about my favorite superhero (with possibly an even more amazing soundtrack by the way). But I'm a great friend and so I will wait . . .

maybe.

i present you with a present: part deux

Friday:

I went to Conway to visit Wes (Nathanial) at Hendrix (extremely liberal college -- he's very much so a republican) on Friday. He changed his name to Nathanial after moving there to basically get a whole new face. His parents originally were going to name him Nathanial, but he ended up arriving early and the doctor was sure he'd be retarded (I know, it's not P.C.) so they called him Wes so that he could spell it and say it. He told me that and I laughed, and then I kind of felt bad. Oh well.

We went to a couple of parties. Had a few drinks. Went to a basketball game for all of about 5 seconds (had to watch the dance team). Found the oriental kids' room and played Wii for a while (which was awesome -- I really want one now). Watched some Sopranos. Kicked back a few more beers. Had a couple of really cheap shots of vodka. Finally crashed about 4am or so. I slept horribly on the cold floor (I forgot to bring a sleeping bag -- all I had was a sheet). Woke up about 9 and went to Chik-Fil-A (his job) or whatever it's called and got some breakfast. Then finally I left and went to guitar center.

They had no fuzz pedal. I really wanted to play with one because I've been listening to a lot of Silversun Pickups lately. But they had to be assholes and not have any. But I did get to play a really nice Les Paul I'm thinking about getting after Coachella if I have any money left to my name. I'll post a pic of it soon, if I can find it.

Saturday:

Band practice. Got a couple of new songs down. Things are going good. We'll probably go to an "open mic night" soon to get a little more stage experience. We're hoping that what ever venue we play at will like us and let us come back for an actual show. We're searching for good cover songs too, so if anyone has any suggestions bring 'em on.

Later that night we tried to go see Babel but the show was sold out. So we went to the Rave to try to see something else. Pretty much everyone wanted to see Pan's Labyrinth, but one person didn't want to. So we ended up seeing The Messengers, which quite possibly might have been the worst movie I have ever seen. I mean, I can't even think of an "only if ..." scenario that would make you go to it. It really was that bad. And what made it worse was that it did nothing but rip off other movies, especially The Ring and The Birds.

Sunday:

To quote Brandon: "More Rock for Little Rock"

At 8pm Augustana took the stage at a sold out Robinson Auditorium and at 9ish Goo Goo Dolls tried to put on a better show but failed in their attempt. Augustana played all of my favorites off their album, plus a new one or two. These guys ... I don't know what to say ... they just make great music. Goo Goo Dolls were decent. The playing was fine and good, but the lead singer didn't really sing most of the time. It was like he would "sing" monotone pitches instead. And the guy can sing good, he did a few times, he just didn't keep it up. Light show wasn't bad either. I really love it when I go to a show and I know every single word to every single song. I just wish Augustana could've played longer ...

today

today was totally fucked.

--got pulled over first thing this morning. got lucky -- warning for doing 70 in a 55.

--surprise shit load of algebra to do over the weekend in order to take test on monday.

--good news: got a check for $550 from ASU. basically, they are paying me to go there.

--bad news: kevin blanks, a friend got in a wreck. he's temporarily paralyzed from the waist down. went and saw him in the hospital tonight. he looked like absolute shit, but i guess that comes with rolling in a car.

--did not go see Sister Hazel because of hospital trip. sorry again brandon.

--ate at kanpai, a new japanse steakhouse with some friends from ASU. it sucked.

--watched smokin' aces. that movie had more
blood shed/guns/knives/torture devices than i ever remember seeing.
It was effin awesome.

--got new shins cd called wincing the night away. different, but good.

--great news: looks like i might actually be going to coachella. possibly with extras (including erin). sweet.

(image = rain flecting on my dash)

what the hell?

Last night one of my friends, Jamie, came over to watch Red Eye with me. Blah blah blah, I already talked about that I know. But mom just came into my room and practically accused me of fucking her. Then she started spouting off "rules" for me to abide by when I have girls come over.

First, Jamie is like a little sister to me. I look out for her, we hang out from time to time, no big deal. There's no way I would/could ever screw her.

Second, when I was dating the whore, who shall remain nameless, they never said anything like this. They even left for a trip on prom night that year.

How fucking stupid is this?

I feel like I'm back in Junior High.

I'm ready to leave.

And finals are kicking my ass before I even take them.