have you ever heard a death rattle before?

I got in a very strange mood this afternoon when I got home from work. Haven't felt that way in quite awhile. I was hit with a wave of anxiety and depression. My world flipped upside down. All I could think about was drinking. I wanted to drink until I couldn't move. Until I would fall asleep. I wanted to get higher than I've ever felt. Remember when I chunked those pills HKD? It was probably a good thing. I wanted to fix a lot of things. Felt like saying things I shouldn't. Made dozens of phone calls to people I haven't talked to in a long time. Some of them in years. I didn't talk to anyone. I would hang up the phone. If they called back I would ignore it.

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I've been thinking of moving again. For college this time though. Seriously thinking about Virginia. I have family there and my cousin works at Radford College so I could get a discount to a very good school. Good writing program. Completely unlike the shit hole I am currently attending that has, unless I can figure something out, trapped me for an additional semester due to not scheduling enough classes. And only for 2 more classes -- physical science and world lit. II. I can't find a way to be able to take more than 13hrs.

The only thing I'm worried about is how it will affect me being able to travel.

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Someone cares.

in other news

apparently it's sex week at postsecret.

my fav:

Hi Frank,

A Lifetime of Secrets arrived in the post today. One of the secrets was: "I'm in a wonderful, loving marriage and we are still virgins and that's okay with me. "

I wanted to say to the secret-writer: Me too! My husband and I have been married for eighteen months and we couldn't be happier! And we know two other couples in the same sort of relationships. We're all friends and happy for one another. We know that just because we don't do the mattress rodeo it doesn't mean our relationships are any less valid than anyone else's.

Victoria Glancetts (it's cool to print my name)

I don't understand this one bit. I know you could still be in love, but isn't that the one perk (besides taxes) that you have to look forward to once you get married? Well without being condemned from some. That's how you reach true intimacy. Maybe I'm just a guy . . . or think like HKD.

down in a rabbit hole

sometimes you don't realize how much your friends mean to you.

even if they do live forever away.

train go sorry

isn't it funny how your mood can change in nearly a blink of an eye, completely without warning? i don't even know what i'm thinking about, other than everything. it feels like everything is moving at warp speed and slow motion at the same time. i went driving to try and clear my head . . . didn't help any. so now i'm gonna go play guitar and fight my sleep until i finally kill over.