ottmar liebert 8/4/08

I'm on a train goin' home
under skies so troubled, so clear
through cities so far, so near
and I'm stuck here, just me and my mind
thinking thoughts on love and life and god
and it's like every thing's real slow.
it's terrible and real slow.
beautiful and slow.

betty love -- i wish you were closer to me, that we had another means of communication, that your warmth was once again found in a sea of cold and dead. i miss you without really knowing you, but then again, i do. it's funny how our brains are / were connected -- how we both left notes in each others' carry-on, wishing for a relationship that could never be. you changed me -- or at least helped show me who i already was. thank you.

waiting for a war

an old friend of mine, Amanda, moved to California my sophomore year of high school. mysteriously enough she decided to move back to Arkansas last week. last night i went over to the place where she is staying until her place becomes available. we went out for pizza and stayed up till 3am talking and listening to music. today we went to sonic and got milkshakes and breakfast. i've missed her a lot. more than i would have / could have ever realized.
she's so laid back and care free . . . i don't know.

fuck.
me.

i'm really happy right now.

ask me anything

funny how quick things get turned around on you / on someone else.
funny how i've made a mockery of things and don't really care.

*funny how in three (3) days i'm fucking out of here.

funny how lately i've been so much more comfortable
out of my own skin / in alternate universes

-----------

it's time to put a few things to rest.
finally.period.finally.

feelings of loss you can't control

I miss the years past of sitting in the floor deciding the direction of which our inspiration would flow. Sharing the end result and proudly knowing that in some minute way our paths of thought would parallel. The reflections of light that would spark our initial journey of writings of which most would read and go "wtf". Even in the most dismal of moments we could find comfort and escape just in the company of pen and paper. A moment in which I wish I could ascertain, to vanish from the exasperation that life bares down with currently. Thanks for digging deep into my soul and leaving remnants of you forever in my heart through memories made.

--from my cousin's blog about me

(we were best friends but she had to move several states away)

dreams/toilet bowl nightmare

item a:
i want to write. i know this. i have known this for a while now. something new though: i suck at writing. i can't decide if i'm worse at poetry or prose. every now and again maybe i'll come up with a couple of good lines, but for the most part ... no. i just wish i could come up with something that i'm good at and that i enjoy.

see also,

item b:
i hate people. they are dumb. they hang out with men who wear girl pants and makeup. they cry because they want your pity. they cry because "it's cool." they cry because ... really i would rather punch them in the face.

let's call it a day, shall we?

down in a rabbit hole

sometimes you don't realize how much your friends mean to you.

even if they do live forever away.