you used to ride the chrome horse

The door opened to my deck and I stepped through. The wooden deck beneath my feet was damp, but not like the usual sticky and hot; instead it was cool against my skin. The air was cool as well, heavy with the smell of wheat and corn, but refreshing all the same. The door to my car was unlocked, as usual, the cigarettes were in the console, as usual, and I needed a smoke -- as usual. I sat on the second metallic step from the bottom, next to Grumpy, my black and white spotted cat. Camels. Fresh air. Thank God for cigarettes. When it was out, I stumped it, placed it in the empty carton, and put them in the green trashcan, not the blue one. From there I was awake and needed something to do. I went upstairs to pick up my guitar and continue to go through my new Dylan songbook. But a certain metal box with a certain green herb in it was calling my name. Perpetually. I had to. No other way around it. So I did. And now I'm sitting here in my orange chair listening to Bob instead of playing him, or at least his music. And maybe right now someone thinks I'm not myself, but maybe they just don't really know me.

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happy birthday dad.
(we went and saw iron man, again)
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gonzo is amazing.
hst is amazing.
i know why you cried.
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if i loved a liar . . . i'd hug my own neck.

commence rant about how stupid i am t-minus: now.

i'm sorry.
i'm an idiot.
and maybe i fuck up here and now again.

why i lied i don't really know. really i just didn't want you to worry. you asked me if the mission was accomplished and i knew you wanted a positive answer. so i did the logical thing at the time and said, "only by 50% captain! the dark empress is still, well . . . in the dark."

now what i said previously has come to pass. and i'm sure the dark empress will find out via the captain (if not by me at a later date, but only if worst comes to worst).

but really, at the same time, as much as my conscience has eaten me up, doesn't this seem petty? it's not like it really affected you. i don't understand my sudden intense wave of guilt.

sorry again.

it shall happen no more.

thus saith the lord.

amen.