as long as i can remember i've always had friends, usually closer friends, that are older than me and considerably so, not just by a few months. many of them have commented on how "old" i act. recently a friend said, "sometimes i forget that you are only 20" or something to that affect at least. anyway, this got me to thinking...what is going to happen when i'm older, as in 60 or so? how will i feel then? most of my life i've been acting older, generally due to the company that i keep. in high school i did everything i could to get past my teen years. i really didn't like them -- the amount of respect you get, etc. as a teen, socially, you only fit in with your peers -- too old to be with kids, but not yet mature enough to be with adults either. most of the time i thought many of my peers were stupid and i didn't want to be associated with them.
so now i feel like i'm living my life with growing older as a prominent goal, when really i shouldn't care so much about my future. i'm going to die, i know that. i'm not scared of it, and, quite frankly, i don't care when it happens. so why don't i live NOW, focus on the present, and figure out something WORTHY of doing?
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8 comments:
deep thoughts, by sethy p.
i know how you feel. i'm like an old lady these days.
i was one of the immature kids in school, but i grew up as soon as i got out.
i'm trying not to be so old now that i've realized i act like i am. and i think it's working out :)
20 years old and celulite has already found you... well I did say men peak at 18.
the world is ending!
Ahh!
Because being young is so damn busy, you have to figure out who you are and what you like and dislike and whats important, and then by the time you get to about 30 you have it mostly figured out and you can stop and look around and start enjoying it all.
Don't worry about it so much. You're one of the good guys.
Just because you KNOW you're going to die, doesn't mean or make you comfortable with it.
I'm sure if you went to bed tonight and didn't wake up tomorrow there would be people who don't know exactly how you feel about them and things that you want to do but haven't.
that's where you are wrong.
i'm overall happy with where i am.
i've done things i never thought i would.
there are some things i haven't done, some i probably never will do, but really, it's okay.
but besides that, the realization of death, and the fear of death are 2 completely different subjects.
You took the words right out of my mouth... I totally understand. I dont know that death is something I focus on that much though, the thought of not knowing what's next... when I used to be so damn sure.
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